another quick one

Fun game: flick through channels really quickly and see what sentences are made, my favourite one so far: 'Carol says computers get that Peter Kay Thing as part of a nutritous diet' obviously the last part was allowed to stay on for longer so the sentence was better

it's not actually funny, but it kinda is

stealing from a garden centre
why would anyone have such expensive xmas trees anyway?

Radio 1 has no respect for the dead

NME's - Decision on Peel autobiography article seems innocent enough, but then you read down and find:

"In related news, Radio 1’s Steve Lamacq is set to host a special John Peel tribute night on December 16.

The show will feature contributions from bands he championed including The Undertones, Orbital, The Cure, New Order, Supergrass, Robert Plant, Underworld, Siouxsie Sioux and The Buzzcocks.

A host of bands will also be performing live on the show such as Underworld, The Wedding Present and Graham Coxon."

Yes, it's those last two words, Graham "what a fucking cunt" Coxon, as he's more commonly known. It's harsh.

Also, as much as I love Teenage Kicks being played on rotation in every pub jukebox in the country at the moment, and it does show John's legendaryness(new word, look out for it), it's getting bloody draining now.

I've got a very good replacement song though

I'd like to go to Graham's house
To steal his rhyming dictionary
I'd take it down from the shelf
And beat him to death with glee

Guns increase sex appeal and holiness.

You may have seen the JPFO recently, they're rather noisy and do hideous things involving photomashing religious symbols, assult rifles, and the american flag...

Have you seen this though? It includes handy bible references and bullet trajectory hints.

For the heathen readers we have, Macho Women With Guns Homage Page is probably a better place for you to be!

Finally someone tells NME to eff-off

Drugs Charities slam NME over Pete being 'cool' - As many of us agree Pete and Libertines are marvellous, but making them cool because he's a smackhead is stupid. Maybe they'll stop trying to kill people now?

Literate as well

Want to understand classic plays but just a little, well, thick? This won't help you at all but you'll feel confused.
I decided to look up the various parts of our name on this which I'm sure you are familiar with. Anyway, our site is something like an addictive cartoon on too many drugs which is in your pants and catches the ball very well...sounds about right.
Why not become slightly disturbed by these drawings from kids who were convinced they were deformed because they had a split lip so had to get plastic surgery. I know some are valid cases, others are not.
Why not learn to be cool you know you always wanted odd shaped ice cubes.

In other news

RollingStone is still in the sorry state of thinking it's still a respected institution of music journalism, by listing the 500 greatest songs of all time.

How many people did they get to decide this? Thousands?

172.

Because of course, they wouldn't want to be getting any readers involved, as they aren't cool enough. Or there aren't any left.

Mattresses are not your friends

Like most people, I was on google at 8am this morning looking up Mattress Sliding.

There wasn't much there.

There's a lovely article on deaths involving mattresses between 1994 and 2001, isn't the internet a wonderful thing?

I thought I found a site about actual mattress sliding, but alas, this appeared.

Sexy Naked Street Mattresses!

well i've not been here for a while

Not able to understand the weather? Why isn't it sunny? Wellget your answers from the weather dude he's hip.
And another dude who wants to help you cook
I love dudes so in tribute to the greatest dude of all here's THE DUDE
I think we should tell these people about our britney stickers
and to finifhs two great quotes from the last week:
'I'm not drunk, I just hate emo kids'
and 'There aren't many guys I'd roast a girl with, but Thomas is one of them'
lovely

The word of the day is: freaks

Cool Freaks Funny Freaks Scary Freaks

Yesterday I had the unhealthy experience of travelling on a Virgin Train, normally quite distressing, but being the last train of the weekend , and being late, it was quite similar to hell. The government cheerily have decided, instead of having asylum seekers kept in one place and having the locals throw bricks at them, to form camps on trains. Myself and another passenger cheerily suggested keeping small children, midgets, and any other bulky luggage in the overhead storage racks, but that did not seem to calm the situation. Neither did the mother that spent an hour pointing out any other choo-choo trains and playing colour eye-spy with her toddler. I was particularily envious as the little bastard was beating me at it, and I couldn't find anything of the colour wellow to save my life.

Here's what some other people had to say about hell:

"A recent survey rated Hell above Edinburgh and Meadowhall in Sheffield for an all round shopping experience"

“Hell is a city with a lot of sky”

"Somewhere on Mars is a piece of Hell"

Save the children

before it's too late

An idea for any visiting TV producers

Are you a cheapskate?

Are you male? (If you aren't sure, take a couple of seconds to check)

Do you pay over the top for car insurance?

Then get a sex change! You'll be able to save the money you spent on it with the cheaper car insurance!

Then we can film a documentary on it.

This is the news

Police services are starting to offer holidays to criminals

A crack ODintomandess spy found out where Graham Coxen found his lyrics

Finally, you've been dancing to Hey Ya continuously for over a year now you fools.

The news will now be sung by a man with an abnormally high voice.

Llama Llama Cheesecake Llama Llama Llama Duck

And now listen, little child, to the safety raill.

Goodbye, John

John Peel's funeral will take place this afternoon in Bury St. Edmund's. There's not much more to say about the man himself that hasn't already been said, so, rest in peace John Peel - Legend.

so...any ideas?

Mare is planning on moving to the uk, she thinks it's better, well it is but not by much. So, if you have any ideas where she should live and how she should live, let us know. Ideas here soon...

Oh, and has anyone else realised Claudia Winkleman looks like an animee character? those eyes...

it's be a long time, since you came along

yes, a whole week without one solitary post by yours truly, i was off in durham which is funny if you say it as dur-ham. Fact. Which was jolly. My phone line then went down, those BASTARDS at BT show your hatred by e-mailing them lots. I was then woken at eight this morning so he could fix it, I didn't want to use the internet when I'm asleep why not fix it when I'm awake, you penis. However, the TV man also came round and was very nice about the fact I didn't have a license, which considering I offered him a seat which had a plate of beans on (which he declined) was very good of him.

Anyway, on to todays first point of meeting: which is what are these lyrics doing to our children's minds? I personally find them offensive, not because of the content but the writer's obvious desperation to be Sylvia Plath but more sexual and violent and shit.
And, I am annoyed that despite the exciting titlethis piece is not that enthralling
Good news is that Channel 4 on Friday is now good, thanks in no small part to the return of Peep Show which is marvellous. This as well as The Simpsons and hopefully Max & Paddy not being a crap spin-off should be boss.
Talking of 'being boss' here's some scouse slang to prove the BBC is integrating all of you scum, hurray, now keep away from me.
As this is a more factual post rather than mindless entertainment, for all you thickos, play the revels game for diversion from your pathetic life.
later, la, boss.

I killed you because I cared

Wasn't he nice?

It's a bit of a morbid theme today, but if like us you're still reeling over the loss of John Peel you might find some therapy in the form of a few of his best quotes

Strindberg and Helium isn't too morbid, just mildly disturbing.

To make this nation stronger and better I will need your support, and I will work to earn it. Also, I'm a cunting bitch-ass quimfaced hymencock.

I don't understand most of this site, but I'm sure if I did it'd be great. Sadly I'm just going to have to bask in the glory of that post title that I've stolen.

I also don't understand this site. People are strange.

This should appeal to any of our readers that like strange cartoon porn with absurd music playing in the background. We know you're out there, you sick fucks.

Some of these "rockers" have been trying to cover Toxic, isn't it tragic?

Anyway, In better news, for all you users of death sticks, Britney based health warnings are now in one easy to access jpg. Hopefully it works, too.

And they said sliced bread was good....

Ninja Blanc - It's white ninja, but it's in french!

Kept me entertained, anyway...

Thongs are bad for you

I don't know how many times we've posted that end of the world animation, but it's quite funny, watch it again, go on, you know you want to.

Speaking of things going wrong in the world...

B3ta are doing well this week, the fast show would be jealous.

And err yea.... have some withnail and i drinking game links...

This is a charming tale of what happens when you play the game, and this is a much more simplified look at what happens.

oooh it's so close, only a few hours

well whilst we're waiting to see if the guy who wants to kill us all stays in or the one who's just, well, frankly a bit of a gimp wins, i'll put a few nice things for you to enjoy, some related some not:
first off, here's what will happen if bush winend of the world
and here's a reminder of how bush won
who said liberals can't do emotional blackmail?
but just for good measure so do the republicans*link stolen from b3ta*
i've got bored of linking now, i'll do my essay until interesting states tell us what's going down.

Insane Brilliance

yes the election is a coming and everyone's like wah wah, everyone's rubbish but bush is worse, let's get rid of him first. Well don't vote stay home for the rest of your lives watchingthe greatest video and song combination ever which will make you grin and maybe even love bush. OOOh i'm so happy, this has even overtaken the homestar runner toon as repetitive catchy and non stop playing. come one

My new favourite forum

FORVM`s Classical Numismatics Discussion Board - Index for one of the first times, i have just left the title as it is, it's a brilliant one. There are also pictures of the people who use it here and don't they look, well like you'd expect. All hail them, now sign up

Question

as i slept in for my extra hour today, can i have money instead? is it possible to exchange it for anything like food? answers Mr. Blair or you won't be getting my vote in your snap election decision thing. NOW DAM YOU