Had to share this

'I marveled at the fact that, in a hot room, wearing a skirt without underwear, I can actually feel sweat rolling all the way from my ass to my heel'

The best line I have ever read on a website, I just fell in love. That is all

Ta Ta

'A Haircut you say?'

Yes that was the reply as I walked into the hairdressers and came up with the brilliant line of : 'Can I have a haircut?' and so set a whole host of events into motion, such as my haircut. There I was sitting down, waiting in both trepidation and curiosity as to what the final results of this quaint English tradition would be. For those who do not know, and for those who have even less intrest in my personal well-being i have long-hair, not metal, rock style long hair, just enough to look 'neglected' and nomadic, which is the general look i go for. After removing he hand from the void of lost souls that is my hair and finally getting rid of those irritating 'chocloate drops' (didn't taste very chocolatey) the whole crazy adventure began with the minimum of fanfare. There was still slight fanfare, due to a marching band being in town, but it was low-key in comparison to other events in my life, such as execution.
Throughout this 'haircut', the one thing I found curious was the fact that the lady who was manhandling the scissors took it upon herself to make random, inane and often annoying utterances. I presumed she was mentally defective and so just gave her a sympathetic smile and one of my chocolate droppings generally accompanied by a reassuring comment of 'I'm sure it won't be long now' and a pat on the head. I also counted three seperate occassions when she burst into tears, which I presumed was her way of communicating her heartbreaking despair that her life is empty and she can't even kill herself successfully, poor lass. To help her on this count, in way of saying sorry for running out without paying, I waited until she left work and ran her over, the least I could do.
After this lady had finished molesting my locks of brown delightful hair, I noticed something odd, it looked no different, sure i heard clipping sounds and saw hair dropping to the ground, but this did not appear to have altered my appearance enough to be noticeable. I then realised that she must have glued hair to her finger nails and cut that by accident, the mentally defective cunt. At which point I ran out screaming, 'you bitch, you bitch, look at this fuckin disgrace, you stupid fucking bitch. good day to you madam.' The rest, as they say, is boring.

Take it easy

Woefully bad advertising

The WOE kitten would unleash foul havoc on these people:

"Our flexible course scheduling means you won't get behind when you are."

"Equip yourself with the right skills at New Horizons and seek the unlimited opportunities!"

Its amazing how they make it sound like a badly translated Japanese video game. Livened up a met journey anyway.

President Bush is hosting a training event for them too, presumably so he can get a cheap place on a course in English.

Royal Power

Prince Harry's arranged to meet Avril Lavigne after she goes to his daddy's Partay in the Park.

"Not only will he see Avril sing, he'll also get to meet her backstage and will be able to take a few friends as well. Avril is no doubt very excited too about meeting a member of the Royal Family - and who knows what could happen."

Said some random bloke who The Sun paid off.

I've found out whats going to happen though! (It's so Prince Charles, I mean, he listens to Ozzie, doesn't he?)

It's not like I hate films about sport

I just hate films about sport, and this comic sums it up so well.

The Karate Kid doesnt count though. Any other exceptions?

David Blunkett is a twat

No no no!

Don't worry though, its got lots of public support.

"I'll carry anything around if it stops those damn Muslims from China coming over here" - BNP supporter (Oldham)

"I'll feel a lot safer walking around at night knowing my muggers will have to be carrying an identity card" - Middle class worried mother (Shrewsbury)

"I'm just getting all those wonderful memories of the cold war flooding back again" - Vladivov (Russian Immigrant)

Its getting sunny! yey!

I can listen to the Thrills again!

Also, is Mr.Bellamy looking slightly puzzled by what he's got in his hands? Poor lad. Don't worry, I think you know how to play it, even if Joe thinks you are a twat.

Bad things can happen to bad people

But Madonna, Michelle Branch, and Alanis Morisette all in one go?

At least that fucking female singer/songwriter craze is drying up a bit.

P.S Ric has no problem with female singer songwriters fucking, in fact he's purchased some of it on ebay, however crazes can never be good.

Military Uniform AHOY

Just returned from that magical city of dreams and muggings that is Manchester, now sitting comfortably at hom after the rather noisy Met journey. Anyways, my reasoning for going in was to get me a spiffing military uniform, as you may have gathered from the title of this post. I have now purchased it, for a rather extravagant sum of £48, which hurt my pocket but as they say: 'Military Uniforms are not cheap even from Oxfam Originals', which I personally adhere to the principle of quite strongly. There is a leaver's ball for us from our school, which I could have rented a tux for at the price of £28, so I thought this was an adequate purchase. It looks fabolous and I'll try and put a pic of it on one or other of my websites for you all to go wow! at.
On the flip

Oww my head hurts

Damn 3D Tetris

Musical Ironies No.1 (of 1)

"Addicted to bass" has the worst bassline ever.

Argh

The world's going to end..

"we've never had a such a high level of threat from terrorism in the United Kingdom since some time before Christmas"

So we havent had this much of a threat for 4 months, and as you can remember before christmas those terrorists were.. erm.. probably wrapping christmas presents (Despite its use as a tool by western capitalist scum.) They were arrested under the terrorism act.. which basically means they don't have enough evidence to arrest them any other way.

Why is this making headline news?

Brighton is no longer cool

Britney Spears is getting a house there

There's not just a king of dance living there now, theres a queen of err... annoying use of lesbianism to sell cds?

Unicycles will make anything funny.

What happens if you get the drummer from blur and his mates, then combine them with shockwave flash?

Empire SQ

The views of the writers may be expressed in a way that some people will find offensive.

Other people will think its fucking amazing.

Present for ya all

Dangermouse put together Jay-Z's Black Album and The Beatle's White Album creating Dangermouse's Grey Album. I liked Beatles, I didn't like Jay-Z, I know like both. It's truly brilliant, even if you don't like it, just marvel at his talent and bestow heavy respect upon him. To download it go to either illegal-art.org or for bit torrent type downloading bannedmusic.com

Enjoy the truly marvellous creations.

I have the answer Bob!

Listening to Bob Dylan and the line 'how many roads must a man walk down, before you can call him a man?' and as he says the answer is 'Blowing in the wind.' To prove this 79 roads landed on top of me, proving the answer to be 79. Well that's taken the mystery out of that song.

In other news

The secret behind the pulp fiction theme.

They're also talking some weird space language. (Or Italian?)

End circus cruelty!!!

Every day up and down our country hundreds of circuses are being abused by angry mobs waving banners and chanting, some may even be using insults such as "go home you gypsies" and a variety of other offensive phrases.

Yesterday as many as 3 or 4 people were forming a protest about the elephants in the nearby circus. Elephants are wonderful animals and souldnt have to listen to such abuse (they have those big ears too.)

Remember, circuses are people too.

Do you play the guitar on the toilet?

This post has nothing about that. Anyway. As people may have guessed, we've borrowed this design from a lovely website designer Maystar. She also sings. I hope she sticks with the web design....

Here are the lyrics but rememebr, they are copyright!

all of her lovers all talk of her notes
so good so far
slow down ha ha
movie stars and ads
and radio define romance
don't turn it on
i don't want to dance
----------------------------------------------------

Television and adverts and films, all absolutely shit. Have taken the television out of my room due to my mind being warped by the various disturbing re-runs of dodgy American sitcoms, reality shows, dramas etc which are put on late at night. 'Pardise Hotel' is the most heartbreakingly sick programme you will ever watch if you are up at 1 in the morning and watching Channel 5, I have still yet to completely decipher it. Basically, it appears that a selection of exprom queens and cherleaders (for that is my stereotyical view of all American girls who wear make-up) cry, try to hook up with Jocks and one ugly guy, probably to stop cries of discrimination by The Ugly People's Front, or whatever it's called. This all happens in a 'stunning' location in some tropical place or other which is actually quite generic and could be any holiday resort on any sunny beach. It shows the most disturbing aspects of human characteristics such as greed, lust and jealousy. I don't think you win anything except for your life to vindicated because enough people don't hate you enough to vote you off, yay for television 'stars'. And then the presenter, her name escapes me but I'm certain she hosted a programme over here for she is English and looks familiar, however she fucks me right off.
None of this slamming of television includes Six Feet Under, which is marvellous, dark and simply divine.
As for advetisers, to quote Bill Hicks, 'Kill yourself...seriously.'

On the flip

*her name is Amanda Byrom, am I the only person who actually gives a fuck?

Just to question your belief in humanity

Oh Dear

It's a poll from Total Guitar, okay we like laughing at guitar geeks (except Johnny Greenwood, he's great). Anyway, it's about Matt Bellamy's guitar skills, and these people say they know about guitars, the fools. I go and kill them now

The Joys Of Family Outings

Lake District today with family - huzzah! Get woken up at 9.45 am, not nice but amd up and raring to go. Don't leave until 1.30pm, after finding out drains need to be sorted out with cost totalling around £5,000. For some reason, the mood is not so joyful in the car. However, we begin to do good time and we arrive only 1hr and a bit later - things are looking good, even for a family outing. It then starts to rain, oh dear, so the usual thing of Mum and sister split from me, dad and brother. us in book shoops, them in clothes shops, they buy bobbles for 10p, we go back later just to buy some more. I'm bored so I'm not going to write any more I'm sorry for wasting your life.

Ting tang

Life of a music tekkie

Age 6 - Buys first guitar
Age 7 - Receives his first Led Zeppelin album for christmas
Age 8 - Lifetime subscribtion to Total Guitar magazine
Age 10 - Bullied in school for being overweight. (poor sod)
Age 16 - Gets kicked out of mates band, despite being the best guitarist there, for continually talking about his guitar. (And probably being overweight too, you can only have fat bassists in a successful band)
Age 18 - Goes to uni to study electronics
Age 19 - Gets kicked out of three more bands, and just ends up sorting out the sound at the student uni gigs
Age 23 - Applies for a job in Dawsons

Hello there people,

This is the other person who will put stuff here

It won't all be like pulling teeth but i'd say over 50% will be EXACTLY that.

Take it easy

Hello.

This is our new Blog.

We will write stuff.

Most, if not all of it will be better than this.